Milestone

I just got back from a mini "graduation" ceremony for Nicholas. He has completed fifth grade...elementary school....and is headed for middle school. Man, how time flies. I can't believe he is so grown up. It makes me sad that my little boy is growing up so fast. But....at the same time I get to see that little boy grow up to be just as I picture him to be. Talk about bitter-sweet! He is the light of my life, someone who makes me want to get out of bed each morning and someone who drives me to be a better role model. To top it all off...he's smart too!!! He received the following awards today:

A Commended score for TAKS (Texas assesment testing) Achievement in the following subjects:

Mathematics
Science
Reading

This achievement is given to students that missed no more than 3 questions on the test. He only missed one in Math!!

He also received an award for making the A/B honor Roll! His final grades were 85 in Reading...89 in Language Arts....83 in Math....86 in Science....92 in Social Studies.

All of this may not seem important to my readers...but all of you will understand one day with your children.

Nick, I am so proud of you. I am so proud to me your Mom. I fall more in love with my "little boy" each and every day.

Happy "Graduation" and cheers to a new chapter called.....Middle School!

I LOVE YOU!

Fear of the Fire

This past Sunday my pastor gave a sermon that has haunted me and made me cry everytime I seriously thought about it. He has done this before with other sermons...But this one is different, much more profound to me personally and it has shown me just how much I HAVEN'T grown and how much more I need to grow.

His sermon was the last in a series titled "Through the Fire". Over the last three weeks he has used the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego as a basis for his sermons. Most of us know the story (found in Daniel 3)...Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego would not bow down to King Nebuchadnezzar's golden image so they were thrown into a furnace of fire. As we all know nothing happened to them while in the fire...Because God was there with them. The parallel Tim was trying to draw was that when we go through the fire we must remember God is always with us. This weeks final sermon was to help us not to be afraid of the fire, to know that God is with us through it all.

When Tim asked a question at the end of the sermon "How big of a blessing do you want and are you willing to go through the fire to get it"....hit me square in the gut. My immediate answer to the questions was...NO! I don't want to go through the fire God....the fire scares me, I prayed standing there at church. Something inside of me then asked...even if it meant you would get the husband you so deeply desire...and once again my answer was....NO! I realized at that moment how very scared I was of the fire. To say that I would give up on something that I desire so strongly to stay out of the fire, was something I wasn't ready to deal with. Thus the reason for my anxious spirit and crying everytime I thought about it.

I am afraid of the fire. I admit it. Unlike Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego I don't always come out of the fire untouched and unsinged (The satraps, the prefects, the governors and the king's high officials gathered around and saw in regard to these men that the fire had no effect on the bodies of these men nor was the hair of their head singed, nor were their trousers damaged, nor had the smell of fire even come upon them. Daniel 3:27). Although I know God was with me throughtout the fires and I have come out a survivor, I have come away a little broken and usually a lot hurt. I know that all of it is a learning curve, that God has good intended for it.... but it still doesn't stop the fear.

I know through a lot of prayer of the last few days and conversations I have had...I have to concede. I have to concede to go through the fire. I have to give up on the debilitating fear I have and be willing to go through whatever God wants me to. I know also I will not be given my hearts truest desires until I do. I'm not there yet, friends. I don't know when I will be.

Who Would Have Thought?

Yesterday while driving to the office, actually looking forward to the day...it finally struck me what a big change I had made in my life with the change in teams I work for. The thought, "who would have thought" that I, someone who hates change with a passion would have made such a big one without blinking an eye and actually looked forward to it! Boy...was that a weird moment, very out of the ordinary.

As I pondered the thought my mind started going through the last couple of years of my life and all the big changes I had made. So many changes, some of them drastic, some of them gradual, and some of them proceeded with a lot of kicking and screaming. It amazed me as I thought about it and tears of joy and sadness,...mostly joy....threaten to fall. So many changes in such a little time.

So here it is for me to share all of my "Who would have thoughts" some of them simple things, some of them drastically changing my life.

Who would have thought....that the girl divorced after 18 years of marriage, who was looking forward to a single life of partying, of dating as many men as I could and yes, I will admit probably sleeping with them too, would instead walk into a church one Sunday morning and have her life changed! That, my friends was not in the plans I had laid out.

Who would have thought....that on the Sunday morning God would become my everything. That I would give my heart, my life, my desires, my dreams, my decisions, my absolutely everything and hand it over to him to care for. That was the biggest change for me in almost 39 years and the absolute BEST change I could ever make.

Who would have thought....the girl that hadn't been to church in 20 years would lead a women's Bible study. Who would become an intricate part of the greatest church on earth. Who would live out her life to serve the people of this church. Who's dream is to be able to one day live her life to only work for that church.

Who would have thought....that what I considered to be the best friend I had ever had would hurt me very badly and leave me wondering what was wrong with me, what I needed to change about me.

Who would have thought....just after that hurtful time, God would teach me what true friendship was. He gave me some of the greatest people in the world to be friends with. Friends that washed that hurt away and taught me that there is nothing wrong with me. Friends that hold me up when I get down. Friends that I share every day of my life with. the good, the bad, and the ugly. Friends that love me.

Who would have thought....that I would transform...as my friend Kelly puts it....from a crying, balled up mess on the sofa, to the woman of faith that I am now. And most importantly willing to grow my faith more and more.

Who would have thought....that the amazing team I worked with for the past two years, that I loved with a passion, that I thanked God for almost daily, would change drastically and leave me to make the decision to change to another one. A change to something I didn't know, to work with people I didn't know. So far...because I truly believe it had God's blessings...it has actually been a delightful change.

Who would have thought....that after trying to be a blonde by putting as many blonde highlights in my hair as I could, would change to a brunette and love it! (Thought I would put a fun one in there!)

Most importantly who would have thought....that the girl who hates change sat in her car yesterday and reflected on all the changes over the last couple of years and had to admit that changes can actually be a good thing.

Who would have thought it!