So, it's been awhile since I wrote (okay a long while!), and it seems a bit cliché to think of starting to write again because it's the New Year. I often thought of writing but time was not always on my side, although sometimes it was just laziness that prevented me. My apologies to my former readers that have been waiting and pushing me to start writing again.
I was talking a couple nights ago with my friends Patrick and Raquel and I was telling them the biggest lesson I learned in 2006 was the true definition of family. Please understand to those who don't know me very well the word family brings much sadness and regret and most of the time has been a dirty word in my world. I know that may sound harsh but I have not had the greatest example of what most people would define family.
Webster online defines family as....1 : a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head 2 a : a group of persons of common ancestry b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock. Most of us would define family as our "blood" relatives. People we share the same blood line, the same DNA. Our children, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on. We would also include families that we inherit from the person we marry. These people do not share the same blood type but we still consider them family. For the last 41 yrs I would have agreed with you. It is something I have wanted and searched for all those years. Something I have craved. I wanted that typical family. Lots of "blood" relatives to spend the holidays with, to call and chat with, to share life with. But, apart from my precious two boys I do not have this. Through much grief and pain due to opposition and disagreements that chapter of my life is closed. It is something that has been going on for most of my life, but escaladed in the last three years that finally brought an end to "family" for me. This is something that leaves a mark very deep in your soul. I grieved over the loss and moved on (it took awhile). I moved on to praying for God to send that special man into my life so I could "inherit" a family. (I had inherited one through marriage once before and believe me that was not what I was looking for!) I need this God, I would pray. 40+ years and I never felt like I belonged to anything remotely related to family. But God in his ever infinite wisdom needed me to learn the truth. The truth of family. To go beyond what Webster says. To go beyond what most people would say. I needed to learn that I can have that sense of family without blood or DNA or through marriage.
I have attended a church for the last two and half years that over that time has slowly (I say slowly because I was stubborn and refused to get it) taught me the truth. A group of people that I have spent the holidays with, I do call and chat with and a group of people that I do share life with. We have learned together, we have grieved loss together, we have laughed together, we have shared the joys of new births together, we have cried together, we have worshiped together and we have served God together (and soon we will vacation together!) There has been opposition, there has been disagreements, but we have grown stronger together, not weaker. We have decided to stay and fight for our "family". Many times these people have been there for me when my blood family was not. They have been there to help me grieve over the loss of said family. It goes deeper than just friendship. It goes to the very core of my heart and weaves itself around me until they are a part of me as if their blood runs within me. These are people that it would break my heart into tiny little pieces if anything happened to them. There is a six year old and a three year old that I have spent so much time with, read to them, played games and puzzles, and tucked them into bed and kissed them goodnight and they have woven themselves so deeply into my heart that I view them almost as close to my children as my own boys.
This past holiday season was the "period" at the end of the definition. The last couple of holidays before would find me in a state of depression. I had started to hate the holidays. I had no family to spend the holidays with and would find myself over a friend's house instead. Believe me I was glad to spend it with them and felt blessed, but I would always walk away with pity for myself because they weren't family. This year was different. Through learning the true definition of family my holidays were spent in joy. I spent time with people that mean the world to me. People I would not trade for all the "families" in the world. Patrick, Raquel and I are already planning for the next holidays. We are talking of going to Seattle to spend Thanksgiving with Raquel's family. As we were talking and planning, Raquel said the sweetest thing, "Sonya, I love the way we are integrating you into our families" (we are going to spend a few days at Patrick's parents in Feb. for a ski trip) I have family I haven't even met yet!
Most of what I wrote above is truth through feelings. A feeling of belonging, a feeling of acceptance into peoples lives. But let’s talk about truth through facts. Let’s break down above what Webster defines as family. A group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head. Sounds like a good definition of what most would describe as family. Dad and Mom as the head and the children all living together in a home. But lets look at in a different way, through the eyes of God. That roof Webster talks about replace it with the word church and we all know who is head of the church. What about the second part of the definition. A group of people regarded as deriving from a common stock. Again we could look from our flesh eyes and say that defines the blood or DNA part of family. But don't all of us upon salvation then become sons and daughters of Christ or of, common stock. I have to be honest now I left off part of Webster’s definition to be able to make a point. 3 a: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation. Where does it mention Blood type or DNA in that definition? It goes to the true heart of family..a group of believers united by salvation and a common goal of serving Christ. Finally the truth! I do have a family. We are all family through the blood of Jesus. We are brothers and sister through inheritance. So, if you are struggling with a "blood" sister come to me, I will stand in the gap and be that sister to you. Having trouble with a "blood" mother or father go to God and he will stand in the gap and be that parent to you.
Still don't get it? Let me use the words of a very smart three year old. Recently after being taught by his grandmother the difference between family and friends he was asked...Who is Sonya, family or friend? His reply..."she famwee, she go to chuch". He gets it. He doesn't understand that my blood does not run through his veins. He only sees me as part of his life and that must make me family. Or how about a few weeks ago while at a Christmas celebration the group I was with asked someone in the crowd to take our picture. After taking the picture she handed back the camera and said..."You have a lovely family". She didn't know we weren't of the same bloodlines. She just saw a group of people that were so comfortable with each other that we must have been family.
Please don't think that I am making light of the importance or blessing of having a blood family. I have two children of my own and we share bloodlines and I wouldn't trade that for anything. And I know that one day I will meet that special someone and inherit a family from him. I am just tying to let you see that God has given me a new meaning of the word family. I haven't given up on a having a family one day, I am just content with what I have at this moment. He has given me a family through the people in my life and I plan on holding them tight and loving them with all my heart.
(The original title of this blog was going to be The True Meaning of Family but it changed after hearing a sermon this past Sunday by Wayne Gooden a powerful speaker. He talked about that Ohhh...moment when God speaks to you and you have a revelation that makes you go ohhhh!. It seemed like an appropriate title for this blog.)
