Dying to self

I read the below poem on another blog site I follow and I thought it was a good one to share with my readers. Thanks V. for giving me somehting that I needed on the very day I needed it. While reading it myself I became totally convicted on every statement made. I struggle with all of the issues that it addresses. I don't know about all of you, but I know......

I have a lot of dying to do.



When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don’t sting and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ. THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take in all in patient, loving silence. THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any im-punctuality, or any annoyance; when you stand face-to- face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility-and endure it as Jesus endured. THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you are content with any food, any offering, any climate, any society, any raiment, or any interruption by the will of God. THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendations, when you can truly love to be unknown. THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy, nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances. THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart. THAT IS DYING TO SELF
Are you dead yet?

I'm Thankful for...............My Friends

Okay, I have to warn you this will be a very, very long post! When writing about my friends I can't just write a line or two, there are too many things to be said. I believe that God gives us friends in our lives to influence us, to hold us up, to take care of us and most importantly to love us. I count myself blessed to have the greatest and I mean the greatest group of friends in the world! They are there for me, they care about what happens to me and they love me. So if you have some time, pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and learn more about the people who are the most important people in my life


Kelly - my little sister, my 25 yr old mom, my therapist, my confidant, my teacher, my fashion coordinator, my coffee buddy... and the list goes on. She has always been a breath of fresh air in my life. It amazes me sometimes how a twenty-five year old and a forty-year old could have so much in common and can be such good friends. She is one of my strongest supporters, but at the same time she will not allow me wallow within a world of self pity. Her famous line is "Buck-up baby"! She has a quiet spirit about her that calms me. I have never met someone so young with so much wisdom. She can usually get through to me better then most people. I feel safe with her. She lives the closest to me and we have shared countless cups of coffee and countless thoughts on life, God, friends, families and just about everything else. She will break my heart in a few weeks when she moves away. But I will forgive her. I will have to, because without her I am not complete.

Raquel - The best way I can describe her is; it's like you are constantly being hugged when you are in her presence. It's a place of warmth and a place of security. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt when she is with you, there is no other place she would rather be. She has the sweetest disposition and a hilarious sense of humor. Her laugh is contagious and you can't help but laugh along. She truly seems to be a happy woman. I strive for that level of contentment I see in her. And she is totally and absolutely in love with her husband! I can see it in her eyes and it makes me envious (in a good way!) of that kind of love. Oh and she has the most beautiful skin! I was drawn to her the minute she started attending our church and what a blessing she has become to my life!

Carrie - My "I" personality counterpart! We both have this outgoing, smiling, and talkative personality, so you can only imagine what happens when we get together, neither one of us can get a word in! She is my favorite friend to shop with, because she makes it so much fun. She is like a kid in a candy store! Also she likes to eat just like I do and doesn't try and hide it. She is also my Pastor's wife and one of the most influential women in my life. She has shown me so many times that she is not perfect and this is a comfort to me. If a pastors wife isn't perfect, then that means I don't have to be! I always introduce her to my friends as my pastor's wife (this makes her uncomfortable sometimes, people tend to shut down when you mention pastor!) because I am so proud to be able to call her that. She truly loves her church and all the people in it and sets a great example for all of us to follow. She is also gorgeous! (Or as my 19yr. old son says "hot") Oh yeah....she is also the mother to two of my favorite boys (besides my own)!

Michele - "He who walks with wise men will be wise...." Proverbs 13:20 I heard that scripture quoted on a program I was watching once and Michelle immediately came to my mind. She is my spiritual mentor, the most influential when it comes to growing in my spiritual life. She has counseled me on spiritual things more times then I can count. She has also heard me cry more times then I can count! What's special about her is she never tells me the answer, she will just continue asking me questions until I answer my question myself. It is sometimes very frustrating but she is teaching me to be the "wise one". She is our women's Pastor and it is truly a role she was meant to play. Her heart knows no bounds when it comes to loving the women of our church. She envelopes all us women within a cocoon of love and draws us to each other. I know she is the main reason the women of our church are so close knit. She has already been through what I am going through right now: divorced single mom trying to make ends meet. Now she has a husband, a family and the role of a lifetime. It gives me so much hope! She is truly my role model!

Amanda - sweet, sweet, Amanda. I can not believe the woman she has become! She is truly a changed person and she is striving everyday to be even better. Her blog is one I go to each day looking for inspiration. Her thoughts are written about life and what she is achieving and growing everyday in her walk with God. There is a special bond that she and I share. Both our childhoods were less than perfect, sometimes downright horrible. Because of this we suffer with some of the same character "flaws" but we both are striving to overcome them. Do you ever think Amanda, how blessed we are to be the women we are today after all we have been through? I do! We are strong women and God allowed those things to happen so we could be those strong women, and be an inspiration to others, so don't you forget it! There is one other bond we share, there is an area of my life I can only truly open my heart and share with only her. She knows what it is. I told her once in an email, I didn't know why she was the only one I could really open up to on the subject and she told me she felt honored. Well be honored Amanda because you hold a place of honor in my life! Ohhh....did I forget to mention she has the most amazing voice! Man, can she sing!! I miss hearing her voice on Sundays since she moved away, but that's okay I'll get to hear her voice again at my wedding!

Erin - My running buddy and my newest friend. I have enjoyed immensely getting to know her! We started out running together for exercise and have become good friends. I went over for dinner last night at her house and she made me the most delicious meal! Wow, a new friend and she knows how to cook! I had the opportunity to go with her a couple weeks back and shop for her wedding dress and I had such a great time! I felt honored that she asked me to go and give my opinions; she even ended up choosing my favorite one! Hopefully she will return the favor one day when I go shopping for my own wedding dress! She has started a new blog and I can't wait to hear more of what she has to say.

Linda - This is my "lets have a good time" friend. Wild and crazy is the best to describe her! Of course she is the is first one I called when I wanted to get a tattoo to celebrate turning forty and of course she went with me! We have been friends for about 7 years now and even though we don't see each other about every three months (which is crazy we live in the same town!) we always pick up where we left off. I know when I am with her we will have fun!

Deanne - My oldest and dearest friend. We have been friends now for over ten years. We met while working at a women's clothing store in Chicago. Ugh....do you remember us wearing leggings and big, bulky and long sweaters over them, Deanne? Whatever were we thinking! She lives in San Diego, so I don't get to see her much, but she is always on my mind and firmly planted in my heart. I got to go to San Diego this past summer and attend her wedding. She was soooo...beautiful. She came out here in November and stayed with me for a weekend and we had so much fun. I miss you, Deanne!

I have so many other friends in my life and I can't possible write about all of them. So many special women and I really would love to get to know each of them better. I had lunch with Cindy (and Peyton) yesterday and we had a great time and I am looking forward to getting to know her better. To each of you not mentioned, I still love you!

Okay, I imagine by now the guys are asking hey, what about me! Don't worry I didn't forget about you!

Ty - my surrogate little brother. He takes care of me and looks out for me. He doesn't do it because he is married to one of my best friends he does it because he wants to. He is my handyman around the house, changing light bulbs, changing air filters and lets not forget the countless times he has fixed my computer! He doesn't mind coming over my house and hanging out even if there is no other men here, he's okay just hanging and talking with Kelly and I, of course if dinner is involved, well that makes it all the better! I know that who ever I plan to marry one day will definitely have to go to Ty and ask permission. It's so great having him in my corner!

Patrick - What a great friend! I love being around Patrick, I feel comfortable when I am with him. And to mimic what I said about his wife (Raquel) I have no doubt when he is with me, there is no place he would rather be. He also doesn't mind just hanging with Raquel and I, actually we do this a lot, just the three of us. We both have the same "I" personality and have great times together. I'm not sure what drew me to him and his wife, but we share a special bond, a kinship and I count myself so blessed that I know him! He is also an awesome guitar player and he plays on our worship team at church. Nicholas my eleven year old really likes him too and even said the other day he would rather be with Patrick then his older brother! Hey if he's good enough for my son he's good enough for me. Love you, bro!

Tim - The most influential man in my life. My pastor and someone I can call my friend. So many pastors of churches don't make friends with their parishioners (at least that's my experience in the past), but not Tim. He gets down in the trenches with us, he enjoys life with us, he spends time with us. Tim and I have a special bond we share; he is the person that led me to Christ. Through many conversations and emails on God, church, and grace he inspired me to give God a try. I am so glad I did! I still have the copies of the emails he sent me in the beginning and every once and awhile I pull them out and read them and I cry and thank God that he gave him just the right words to reach me. But his influence didn't stop there. He continues to influence and teach me each Sunday morning on how to be a better Christian, to be a better person. He always makes time for me if I need him, meeting me for lunch or communicating through emails. I don't think he knows how truly blessed I feel to have him in my life and how much I truly love him. I strive everyday to prove to him(in a good way) that making the choice to reach out to me was a good one. He loves his church and his God given vision for growing it and making it into a place of refuge for the saved and the unsaved is truly a blessing. I am so blessed to call him my pastor! I love you more than words can say.

Michael L. - Michael and I wouldn't be what you would call best friends. We don't spend a lot of time together, but we share a bond that is hard to explain. We both run our own business and we understand the struggles associated with that. I like to think that some of my prayers during the time he was trying so desperately to get his new business off the ground made a difference. Man, did I pray, because I knew what it was like! Michael is also one of the funniest men I know. He totally cracks me up! Keep up the good work, Michael. I know you will be blessed.

There you have it, my friends in a nutshell (or rather a very long post!) God must truly love me to bless me with so many wonderful, God loving, Christian friends! I love all of you!!!!

p.s. I forgot to mention my newest friend, Baxter. The first couple of times I went over Baxter’s house he kinda scared me, but last night we reached a new level in our relationship. He actually came up to me and allowed me to pet him. See, Baxter is my friend Erin’s very big rotweiller (sp?) dog. He doesn’t usually take to people very well I am told, so I am humbled by him allowing me to touch him. I look forward to getting to know you better, Baxter!

I'm Thankful for...............My Home

I have lived in my current home just over a year and a half now and I can say that I still love it! It has truly been a place of comfort for me, a safe haven. I bought it after my divorce and it’s much smaller than the home I had before, but no matter, it's just the size I need. Plus it's mine, bought and paid for by me, and it screams of me and my personality. Every piece of furniture, every accessory and every picture on the wall, makes it more of a home for me. Ohhh....the best part is I have the most awesome closet; big!

It tends to be a place of "hanging" for my friends. We always seem to end up here. So many Friday nights are spent here with all my "Friday night date night" friends. I asked someone what they would rather do this past Friday night, go to a restaurant or cook dinner over my house...they choose my house. I love that! I love that my friends find my home a fun place to come to. They know that they can come, put their feet up, and just chill. I have always loved to entertain and the group of friends that I have that I can do it for, makes it all the more special.

Being in the business of Real Estate I'm constantly walking through other homes and although I see some beautiful, huge and expensive ones, it never makes me envious. I am perfectly happy where I am. This is rare in this day and age. People want bigger, they want better, they want more expensive and they want every possible upgrade you can put in them. I see it everyday in my line of work. It is so refreshing when I come across a client that buys a home based on what they can afford comfortably and that fits the needs of their family and not one that fits their need to impress their friends. I think I could be happy here for many years. (Unless of course I marry some guy who has four or five kids...we'll definitely need a bigger one!)

But, you know what's best about my home? God lives here. His presence is throughout every room and in every corner. This is his home too, because I have welcomed him in and made a place for him. This is the first home that I have lived in that I have had a relationship with God and it makes it a special, special place for me.

I'm Thankful for........Clothes, Shoes and all things Bling Bling!

I am a girl in every sense of the word! I love fashion! I love clothes! I love jewelry...aka, bling bling! And most of all I have a huge love affair with SHOES! Every shape, color, style, I LOOOVE them all! And let's not forget about our lipstick, that is one of my favorite accessories, it's the finishing touch to any outfit.

I get fashion inspiration from so many areas, magazines, television or just walking into a store and seeing their display. But, most of my inspiration comes from my friends. I have some of the most fashionable friends! Oh man, do they dress "cool"! One of them can wear something and it makes me want to run out and buy it for myself! Believe me I have done it. Carrie and I saw a picture of our friend Amanda and loved the outfit she was wearing and both of us went out and bought the same thing (or close to it). Sorry if I am a copy cat, just look at it as the best form of flattery! But if I can't go out and buy it, I just borrow it! One of the most said lines between my friends is....Can I borrow that!

I know my friends also consider me fashionable. Very often on Sunday mornings I get a call from someone asking to borrow something, usually jewelry. And I always get a call from a certain someone before they leave for a vacation asking if she can come raid my closet. I may be forty years old, but I dress like I’m still in my twenties! I refuse to dress frumpy just because I'm growing older. I will remain fashionable till the day I die and my friends better make sure I'm wearing a "killer" outfit when they put me in my coffin. If not, hauntings and nightmares will occur!!

I love to shop at the Gap- their jeans fit me the best, Banana Republic Outlet- can't afford the regular store, and of course anywhere shoes are sold! Oh and the best place to buy bling bling....yes, you guessed it SAM MOON! That is a place where a girl swoons at being surrounded by all things glittery! Thanks to them I now have accessory to match every outfit and any mood. It’s so much fun going into to my closet and having so much to choose from each day! I just got back from meeting a friend there and bought a pair of earrings and a necklace to add to the million I already have! A girl can never have too many earrings or for that matter shoes! Oh yeah, and shirts too....oh, and how about jeans.....and bracelets.....and necklaces and...........

(Sorry to all the guys who read my blog, it's just a girl thing!)

The Comfort Zone

Everybody has their comfort zone and knows exactly what and where it is. It's the place where you feel the safest, the most at home and the most happy. It's a place we don't have to pretend to be something we're not. It's a place where we can just be ourselves. There is usually no fear within the comfort zone because it's familiar and we don't have to step out and take chances. This comfort zone covers all areas of our lives, our relationships, our job, our finances, even the places that we shop. We even put our relationship with God within a comfort zone; big mistake!

But what happens when we find ourselves outside our comfort zone? Our lives are turned upside down, we don't which way is up and we desperately try to find our way back to that place of comfort, to that place of safety. We pretend it's not happening and if we just pinch ourselves we'll wake up and everything will be as it was. We don't want the change, we were comfortable just the way we are, thank you very much! Most of the time it's fear that motivates us to stay within the comfort of what we know, it's the fear of the unknown that scares us. This is usually the part that gets me. But sometimes it's not fear that keeps us there, its laziness or selfishness. We become stagnant and too comfortable, and we are unwilling to take a chance on seeing what else could be out there. We think everything’s okay in our current comfort zone, so we don't see any need to add or delete anything. We have a good job, we have a best friend, we have a few extra dollars in the bank and really who needs any other place to shop besides the Gap! Oh yeah, and then there is God, we become comfortable in our walk and we stop pursuing a deeper relationship with him and only pull him out when we want something (that's where selfishness comes in).

But at what price are we paying when we are unwilling to step outside our comfort zone? What opportunities are we passing up? Could there be a better job out there that will fulfill us more and with it maybe allow more than just a "few dollars" in the bank. And what about friends, could there be someone out there that could fulfill a need in us that we don't even know we have. Or.... just maybe we can fulfill a need within them. And we all know that pursuing a closer relationship with God is not always easy and we may be asked to step out on faith and out of our comfort zone. What blessings are we missing when we are unwilling to do this?

Over the last couple of years I have been placed outside my comfort zone many, many times! Some of it by choice and some of it by force. I went from being married for 18 years to being out on my own. I have gone from living a selfish life the way that I wanted, to turning it over to God and living it the way he tells me to. Leading a women’s Bible study put me outside my comfort zone. After all, I had only been a Christian for a little over a year and what could I possibly teach someone else! Oh and the praying out loud in front of people; way outside of my comfort zone! I'm still struggling with that one!

But most recently in the last month I have been forced to step way outside my comfort level. The biggest being in my job and the way it’s always been. Things are not as they were and big changes are happening. With this comes the fear that nothing that comes with the changes can put me back inside the comfort zone I had known so well. Challenges lay ahead and chances need to be taken and this scares me to death. It is said that what God takes away he gives back tenfold. Well, in the confines of my comfort zone I fail to see this.

There is one other area of my life that has been changing and I have been fighting it every step of the way. I have pleaded with God asking him why? I just couldn't understand, I couldn't grasp what could possibly come out of it. The answer came to me last night while talking to a couple of friends at Starbucks during our women's church social. We were talking about how much God was taking us out of our comfort zone and taking us down paths we didn't ever think we would go in a million years. I was explaining to them how I had stepped out when deciding to lead a bible study and suddenly the "light bulb" went off and I knew then why this area of my life was changing. God was asking me to step outside of the comfort zone I had safely hidden myself in. Let go and step outside and see what else he has in store for me. I think I know why he's asking me to do this and what his plan is. I still have some talking with him to do and some searching to make sure this is the path he wants me to be on.

It hasn't gotten easier to step outside my comfort zone even with all the times I have had to do it. But life is about changes. With these changes we have to sometimes stretch our comfort zone to allow for something or someone to be added to it. And sometimes the changes narrow our comfort zone when something or someone is deleted from it. I can fight it and make it more painful or I can just let go and know that whatever is changing my perceived comfort zone, God has a reason. This is the only comfort I need.

I'm Thankful for..............Reading!

Reading is my favorite pastime. I love it! Books, magazines, newspapers, blogs, whatever form words come in I will read it. Reading is something you can lose yourself in, forget about the things around you and immerse yourself in the words you are reading. It puts you in another world and another place for a few hours. I usually have about 4-5 books that I am reading at one time!

I read all types of books. Spiritual/Christian books are one of my favorites, they teach me a lot about what it means to be a Christian and to live the life God has destined for me. I read a little of one each morning during my quiet time and have found many words of inspiration in them. Of course, the greatest of them all is the Bible and it is a daily part of my reading time. It is the true book to find all the teachings and inspiration that I need.

I also love novels, books that tell stories. I especially love thrillers! Call me weird, but if it has a serial killer being chased by a cop, I am enthralled! Anything that has suspense and can keep me on the edge waiting to turn the next page to see what happens is well worth my time! Sometimes while reading a book I have to make a deal with myself, one more chapter and I'll get up and do things that need to be done. But, one chapter turns into two and then two turns into three.....ECT! I have a hard time putting a book down once I start reading it!

If you read my previous post about knowing how to cook you would have read that I collect cookbooks. I love to read cookbooks and I do it just like any other book. I start at the beginning and read through it till the end. My son used to think this was weird when he would see me doing it. It’s fun every once in awhile pulling out a cookbook and reading all the wonderful delicious sounding recipes.

And of course there are blogs! I love to read words written by my friends to know their thoughts on life. I even read blogs from people I don't even know, but I have learned so much about them through their words. I get so many words of inspiration in all of them and I find myself checking them several times a day!

I have my favorite book authors (or blog authors) in all the above types of books and if you ever want a recommendation just let me know. I have read so many I am bound to be able to give you some good titles. I even may have them in my collection for you to borrow!

Here are some of my favorites:

Captivating- John& Stasi Eldredge - a great book for women that are following after Jesus. It really delves into what it means to be a woman of God and to learn to let his powerful love envelope our lives.

The purpose Driven Life - Rick Warren - A great book to find our purpose in life. I read it twice.

The Joy Luck Club - Amy Tan - A great book looking into the Asian women’s culture.

Southern Living Cookbooks - great recipes for us southern cooks! I have the last nine of their yearly cookbooks!

I'm Thankful for...........I know how to Cook!

I had some friends over last night to have dinner and hang out. Everybody brought the meat they wanted to grill and I provided the side dishes. I made garlic bread, baked beans, and my famous scalloped potatoes. I have been making these potatoes for guest for years now and they are delicious! I heard several times last night how good they were. I have been told by so many people how good I can cook and I always brush it off and say it's no big deal. Cooking is just something I have been doing for so long that it just comes natural and easy to me.

I learned to cook when I was five years old. My mother had a major surgery and was laid up and she couldn't cook for me and my brother and sister, so she taught me how from her bed. I don't remember too much about it, but I guess it was okay because we all survived! I continued learning as I grew up and when I moved in with my grandmother at sixteen she taught me even more. My grandmother was an awesome cook; she could take a plain hamburger patty and make it taste like the best thing you ever eaten. She taught me a lot about simplicity in cooking. So, if you take the five years and subtract it from my current age that means I have been cooking for 35 years! I had better be good at it!

I love to entertain and cook for my friends. I usually have someone over the house at least once a month or more and since my friends Ty and Kelly live so close they are usually the chosen ones. Just before the holidays they were coming over almost every week. I love to have Ty over he is the best at giving compliments telling me how good everything is. I guess when they move away there will be a spot open for dinner at my house....anybody up for the challenge?

I love to try new recipes and I have over a hundred cookbooks and cooking magazines and countless loose recipes cut out of newspapers and written on scraps of paper. I used to collect cookbooks but have tried to curb this habit, because really, do I need that many! There are more recipes in them then I could ever make in my lifetime! I have some tried and true favorites I have been making for years. I grew up in New Orleans so I know how to cook Cajun food and my Gumbo is to die for! I can make these button mushrooms that take three hours to make that will melt in your mouth, just ask Kelly! (I promise I will make them for you soon, Carrie!)

I am proud that I know how to cook and how to do it well. I don't get to do it as much as I did when I was married; I only do it when Nick is here for half the week. I really miss being able to cook for a family. But, one day I'll meet someone and you know what they say.....the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. If that’s true I think I have a pretty good shot at his heart!

Here is a quick and easy recipe for you to try. I say it in a magazine a couple of months ago and have made it several times. Ty tells me it's some of the best brownies he's ever had.

Take a box of regular brownie mix and bake them according to the directions on the box.
Chop up a bag of miniature Reese peanut butter cups.
When you take the brownies out of the oven sprinkle the Reese over the top and stick back in the oven for about 3-4 minutes.
Cool and cut.

It's that easy and they are soooooo....good! You can try it with any other kind of candy bar, so explore if you want too!

I'm Thankful for.......Coffee & Cheeseburgers!

I LOOOOOVE Coffee! The first thing I do each morning when I wake up is make the coffee. There is nothing more comforting to me that a hot, steaming cup of coffee. Although I have a couple cups each morning, I actually will drink it anytime of day. Every few days I make a run to Starbucks for my $4 dollar cup or I have a cup at the office (not very good, I might add!) or go for a cup over at my friend Kelly's house (my favorite place!). She and I share a love affair with coffee and we are always calling each other to come over for coffee. Actually... if Kelly is coming over for something, she will call me ahead to make sure I have a pot going! Of course I know this now, so it's always on before she calls.

I always have my clients meet me at Starbucks before going out to look at houses. It's a great place to meet because everybody knows where Starbucks is! Hey, and while I'm there waiting I have, can you guess? ...a cup of coffee! It's also a great place to meet up with friends and catch up on our lives.

Oh, and I like my coffee strong! No wimpy weak stuff for me! I am from New Orleans and we only brew strong, dark, coffee that will make you go mmmm......! Kelly and I agree on this one too!



Okay, call me a kid at heart but my favorite food in the whole world is...cheeseburgers. I love them, I adore them and I crave them! I know, I know maybe I should love something more grown up like, pasta, steak or Mexican, but if loving cheeseburgers is childish, well, I say let me be childish! My favorite place to eat them is at Scotty P's in Frisco, ohhh...their chili cheeseburger is to die for! Outback Steakhouse also makes a really good one (I told you I prefer them over steak!). I had one the other night while out with my friends Patrick & Raquel at the Red Robin in Grapevine and it was also really good and have been wishing they would build one here so I can have another one. Maybe I will have to make a trip out to Grapevine to have one and maybe….my friend Amanda will meet me there? :)

I told you I would be writing on things that bring me pleasure and now you know that coffee and cheeseburgers bring me pleasure! mmmm...................

Just a note.........

Over the next few days I will be writing (catching up!) about things that I take pleasure in, things that are fun and things I love to do.

Most of the blogs I have wrote on my thirty one day road to an Attitude of Gratitude has been about the really important things in my life; God, church, my children, but now I want to have some fun! I believe that even the small things in life are from God. He enjoys seeing me happy, so anything that brings me pleasure - as long as it is not sinful - is something to be thankful for.

So here it goes...........Let's have some fun!!

I'm Thankful for..............Travel

I love to travel! It really doesn't matter if it's just for the weekend or for a whole week’s vacation. I just love to get away from ordinary day to day life. I wish resources (money!) were more in abundance so I could do it more!

I really didn't get to vacation much when I was growing up, maybe the occasional trip to a out of town relatives house or to church camp. It wasn't until I got married that I really went on my first vacation. I've been to some really cool places and here are some of my favorites:


Hawaii - This is my favorite place on earth! I have been there twice and I literally crave to go back. I dream of going back! It is the most beautiful place on earth (my opinion) and you can see God's idea of true beauty. There is such a lushness about it that makes you just want to stay and never come back. And ohhhh.....the smell of Hawaii, I can't explain it, it just smells beautiful! I have been on the islands of Oahu and Maui and they both are special in their own way. I have been snorkeling at the place you see in the picture above. That was so much fun!!

Oahu is the place that I ran my marathon so it definitely is special - I say if you’re going to run a marathon, do it in Hawaii! Oahu is also the home of Pearl Harbor, a place deeply rooted in our American history. It is very sobering standing on the memorial looking over and seeing parts of the sunken battleships or looking at the memorial of the names of all the men/women who died that day. I have been there twice and it moved me to tears each time.

Maui is just plain beautiful! We rented a open air jeep while there and rode all over the island. We did the trip up Hana highway and stopped at various spots to see the scenery or to play in a waterfall. The trip took us all day but it was worth it. It's a bit scary on top of the mountain looking down; it's a long, long, way down! But at the same time the scenery will take your breath away!



Turks and Caicos Islands - A place still untouched by the world! There are no Wal-Marts, no chain grocery stores. It's just paradise. The water is absolutely beautiful there. It is so clear you can see down 15 -20 feet. The picture shows the all-inclusive resort we stayed in! What a great time we had, Nick keeps asking when we are going back!







Destin, Fl. - Some of the best beaches I have ever seen. It has the whitest of sands and blue green water. It's a great place to go to with family and friends. Rent and share a condo and just play on the beach! I LOVE the beach! I have made it one of my prayer requests that I would have the finances to be able to go this summer! Anyone want to go with me?!

I've been lucky to be able to go to these beautiful places! I dream of going to Italy someday and of course Hawaii again! Perhaps.......on my honeymoon?! I'm going to Las Vegas in February for a work conference and I'm so excited! I've never been there.

I'm serious about the above questions, does anyone want to go to Destin this summer, rent and share a condo and play on the beach!! It would be great fun! :)

Just some fun.....................!

I'll try and keep this going....

2 Names you go by:1) Sonya 2) Mom
2 Parts of your heritage:1) Cherokee 2) cajun
2 Things that scare you:1) the thought of ever having to live without one of my children 2) My children not being saved
2 of your everyday essentials:1) God 2) Cell phone
2 Things you are wearing right now:1) My P.J.'s 2) reading glasses
2 favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment):1) Rita Springer 2) Worship band at my church.
2 things you want in a relationship (other than love):1) communication 2) equal devotion to God.
2 Truths:1) I am so blessed 2) I love God and my friends!
2 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex):1) smile 2) sense of style
2 of your favorite hobbies:1) Reading 2) spending time with friends.
2 things you want really badly:1) a closer relationship with God. 2) A husband!!!
2 places you want to go on vacation:1) Hawaii 2)Italy
2 things you want to do before you die:1) help lead someone to Christ 2) Find a husband!!!!
2 ways that you are stereotypically a chick:1) I love shoes! .2) I cry when I'm angry.
2 things you are thinking about now:1) finishing these questions. 2) writing my next blog!
2 stores you shop at:1) Walmart 2) Gap
2 people you'd like to see answer these questions, 1) Amanda 2) Kelly

I'm Thankful for...........Blogs!

I was inspired to write about this after reading my sweet, sweet friend Amanda's blog from yesterday. She talked about (sorry I don't know how to link to it yet) how others perceive bloggers and how people didn't really care to "scroll down and squint their eyes to read someone’s blogs". Well, I am here to say they are, Wrong!!! Wrong!!! Wrong!!! I don't care if I have to get a magnifying glass to read my friends blogs, I want to read them! I NEED to read them!

As I said in my comments to Amanda, I NEED her blogs. I need her words of love, encouragement and faith. We are so much alike and I struggle with some of the same things she does, so when I read her blog I know it will speak to me! I love the way she uses things like, shoes that don't fit, going to the doctor, standing in line at the store and relates it to our lives as followers of God. She has a wonderful way of letting God enter and speak to her through her everyday life.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and mighty things which you do not know" Jeremiah 33:3. Sometimes I am looking for answers to things and I ask God and poof.....there it is right there in one of my friend’s blogs. Yes, I believe God can speak to me through a blog! I have several blogs I go to each day, knowing I will find my dear friends thoughts on life, God and everything in between. I treasure each one of them and always know I will find inspiration, love, and laughter.

As far as my own blog....well it has been a wonderful experience writing for it. It has made me think more in depth about the things that are important to me. I find when I write something down; it just seems to write it on my heart. I have missed not being able to write the last few days and get my thoughts out there for my friends to enjoy (or not!). I promise to get back on track, because I want to believe that my friends care what I have to say and they go to my site to read it!

So....fellow bloggers keep them coming! Speak to me! I NEED you!

Busy Times

It's been a busy week already for me and it's only Tuesday! I know I am behind in my Attitude of Gratitude daily jouney but I promise to all who read that I will catch up soon! I hope to write something later today. I have really missed not being able to write something I'm thankful for the last couple of days!

Pray for me that God will give me strength to get throught the next week, because it's going to be a busy one!!

I'm Thankful for..............My Church

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GENESIS METRO!!!!!


Today we are celebrating our church's one year birthday and I'm so excited! We started meeting in May 2004, but had our official grand opening was on January 9, 2005. At our first meeting in May we had about 30-40 people in attendance and I'm happy to say we currently have around 175-180 members! God has blessed us so much!


In the first part of 2004 I personally went through a lot of terrible things, a few months of severe depression, a divorce and a ugly split up with my best friend. I was seeing a therapist and over those months she kept talking to me about finding a church to attend. I was very hesitant at first, I didn't have a good feeling about church and I hadn't been attending for close to twenty years. I was scared of church and of God, but at the same time I knew I needed something big to happen in my life.

I met my pastor, Tim and my executive pastor, Kyle during those months at some various Chamber of Commerce networking meetings and had chatted with them about their church. Tim and I emailed back and forth a few times about the church and he told me they would be meeting for the first time on a Sunday in May. So, I thought I would give a try and go for their first meeting and see what happens.

What happened was amazing and life changing!! Over the next couple of Sunday mornings and various talks with Tim I accepted Christ into my life and I've never looked back!! It has been a life altering experience and I have loved every minute of it! God has blessed me so much and I owe a lot of this to becoming a part of GM!

GM is my home, my refuge, the place I know I am loved and needed. There were a couple of months back in 2005 that I thought about leaving and finding another church. I felt like I wasn't really a part of the church anymore, that I wasn't wanted or needed there anymore. Thank God I figured out that is was Satan trying very hard to get me out because he knew all of that wasn't true! I am wanted there and I am needed. Since then I have become more involved in the church, I have taught a women’s bible study and have become part of the leadership team to get our new church wide 40 Days of Purpose study organized and implemented and I will even be teaching one of the studies. WOW, I've come a long way from the divorced, depressed, haven't been to church in twenty years, woman! I am so humbled by the acceptance and trust that the church has put in me.

GM and all the people in it have blessed my life so much. All of my best friends attend the church with me and they bless me in so many wonderful ways! I can't stress to you how much this Church and the poeple in it, has helped change me into the woman of faith that I am today. Each Sunday I get to worship God with an amazing worship team, I get to hear sound Bible teachings from an amazing pastor that always seems to be able to teach me things in just the right way, and I get to fellowship with all of my amazing friends.

I am so blessed and I thank God that he put such a God loving, Bible teaching church into my life. I know we will be blessed with growth and hopefully being able to buy a piece of land this year! I can't wait till we are able to build a church of our own someday and I know God will bless it and many people will find a place they can call home, just like I did.

I love you, Genesis Metro!

I'm Thankful for..............My Children

My two boys are the light of my life! They bring such joy to me. I couldn't imagine my life without them and pray everyday that God keeps them safe and sound. Here is a bit of info about each one of them for you to enjoy!


Andrew - (19) Andrew is one of the most independent people I have ever known! He has been that way since he was born! He started sleeping through the night at barely 2 months old, I used to go and wake him up because is seemed abnormal for a baby so young to be sleeping through the night and I was afraid of SIDS. Nothing has changed, he stills does things in his own way, in his own time. He ran away when he was nine years old, because he didn't like that he had gotten grounded. Nine years old!!! He has always thought his way was better!!

He is also one of the smartest people I know. During his school years he didn't do so good with grades, but he always blew away the standardized tests and scored in the top percentage. He is also very, very loyal! I have seen him stick-up for his friends, even when they didn't deserve it, even if they did something wrong to him. He is also has a giving spirit (he got that from his mom!) he makes sure everybody is taken care of even at his own expense.

He is tall, good looking (he gets that from his mom too!) and the girls love him! I don't have a picture of him to share, because he hates to take them! Trust me, he's cute!!

He is a little lost right now, but he's working on bettering his life. He took the first positive step in doing that this past week and I am so proud of him! I know he will be an amazing man one day and all the challenges we have went through will be forgotten. He truly has a heart of gold and I have faith that God will strip away all the useless, prideful layers so that it will shine through!


Nicholas - (11) Nicholas is the exact opposite of his brother! I don't know how two brothers could be so different. He is not independent and he didn't sleep through the night till he was 10 months old! He doesn't do anything his own way, he always comes to mom or dad for guidance.

He does share one thing with his brother, he is smart too! He always gets A's and B's on his report card. He has a knack for math and science. Although he hates school, he still tries to do his best. I think learning comes natural to him; he doesn't have to try to hard.

He is shy and reserved (unlike his mother!) and it takes him a while to warm up to people. Yet he loves to go to parties, go figure! He loves to play poker with the guys from church and has even been known to win! He has slowly been coming out of his shell and I owe this to us being involved in our church.

He also is a cutie, as you can tell from the above pictures!!! He will also have the girls chasing after him someday! Not too soon I hope, I want him to stay little for a while longer. He still needs his mom and I love and treasure that! He still lets me kiss him and we still hold hands sometimes. I will miss that when he feels like he is too old to do it anymore.

I am so very blessed to have two wonderful, loving, beautiful children! There have been some challenges while raising them, but it's all been worth it and I wouldn't trade one minute of it. I pray that they make God the center of their lives one day, just as I have. I pray that they grow into caring, loving men that will make God and their Mom proud!

I love you boys!!!!!!

I'm Thankful for............My Love Letters!

The first time I heard the Bible called our love letters was from Tim my pastor one Sunday morning while preaching. I thought to myself hmmmm.....what a great way to think of the Bible, my love letters. If you stop and think about it its true; it's God's love expressed to us in 66 books and it was written just for us.

It is filled with wonderful stories! Stories of miracles, restoration, healing, salvation. There are stories of lions, of giants, of mighty floods, of a couple fish feeding thousands. Stories we love to tell our children and stories our children love to hear us tell! I just read the story of Saul/Paul a man who spent his time persecuting the church, totally turn his life around and start serving Christ. What an amazing story of complete and utter transformation!


It is also filled with teachings. It teaches us what we need to do to become more like Christ, to conform more into his image. It teaches how to live lives worthy of being called a child of God. It teaches us faith, endurance, perseverance, forgiveness, righteousness; love ...the list goes on. It is a place we can go to find answers to our toughest questions and believe me there is always an answer to whatever you are asking!


Most of all it is our spiritual food. Our physical body needs food to survive, so do our spiritual bodies need God's word to survive. Without it we become weak, self centered, at risk of falling into temptation and unable to do the work God has for us to do. We must make time, as my friend Amanda always puts it to "spend time in the word" It is our nourishment and it is essential to our spiritual vitality and we must make spending time in it a priority of our day.

I don't want to do it out of habit, just skimming through a few chapters to be able to say that I read the Bible today, I want to read it as if my life depended on it! I don't want to just memorize scriptures, I want to hide them away in my heart so it penetrates and transfuses itself into my whole being. I want to reflect it's teachings in the way I live. I want to make its promises, my hope for each day.

I urge each of you to do the same. Spend time in God's word; after all it is your love letters from God!

I'm Thankful for.........That I am Loved!

Yesterday, I wrote about how much I love Jesus, so I thought today I would write about how much he loves me. Once again words will fail me when I try and explain the love that he feels for me. I think sometimes I don't dwell on the fact that Jesus loves me. I believe in his love, I talk about it, I read about it in the Bible, but do I really just sit down and think about it and let it flow through my heart and find it's full meaning.

God doesn't just love me, he LOOOOOVES me! He adores me! I consume his every thought. He thinks I am the most perfect thing that he has ever made. He loved me before I was even born. He created me just so he could love me! I was created to be the object of his affection, the apple of his eye. There is a place in his heart that only I can fill.

He doesn't just expect a relationship with me, he craves it. He doesn't love me because he has to, but because he wants too! He needs me; he wants to be everything to me, my father, my husband, my companion, my friend, my LIFE! He follows me wherever I go, he has too, he can't stand to be away from me. He longs to hear my voice and have me talk to him and he stands ready to be attentive.

He loves me with the purest of love, because it is unconditional! I can make a mistake, screw-up, sin and he is still right there loving me with the same fierce love. He doesn't care of the opinion of others, he sees me in a completely different light. He sees the real me and the woman I am supposed to be and it's okay with him that I'm not perfect. He loves me for who I am!

Sometimes I run from his love, but he just runs after me. Sometimes I doubt his love so he whispers over and over again; I love you, until the doubt is gone. He love is something that I never have to fear I will lose!

I want to learn to embrace his love for me. I want to choose to open my heart to it that I can feel it with the same passion that he bestows it... I want to wrap my heart, mind, soul around it. I want to bask in it and allow it to reflect in my face, in my life. I want to feel it with such power that nothing can penetrate it; nothing can make me doubt it!

My friends, I'm happy to say he loves each of you the same way! Isn't it awesome that his heart has no boundaries when it comes to love!

I'm Thankful for.......that I'm in LOVE!!

Yes, I'm in love!! To all my friends that are freaking out right now, no I haven't been secretly dating someone and fallen in love. I would never be able to explain that away! You know the person I'm in love with, because you love him too! I started a love affair with him just over a year and a half ago and I've been passionately in love with him ever since. Now, I’ve known about him all my life and even talked to him on occasion, but I really didn't pay that much attention to him until May of 2004. We begin a relationship then and we have been inseparable ever since.


Sometimes this love overwhelms me and I want to go out on my front drive and shout, I LOVE JESUS!, (but I don't, because I don't want to be labeled as the crazy old lady that lives next door!) There are days when I seem to be in stupor, not wanting to work, not wanting to talk with friends, I just want to walk around and think about Jesus. I can't get enough of him. I literally CRAVE more of Jesus. I wish I could explain to all of you just what I mean, but I just can't seem to find the words. Words fail me. So many of you talk about my passion for Jesus and how they can see that I run after him, but it's deeper than that, stronger than that, more passionate than you can even imagine. I don't just run, I sprint!! I'm crying right now as I write this because I just can't seem to come up with just the right words to express my love for him. It amazes me that not everyone else wants what I have! Not everyone craves knowing him better or they have become so stagnate and comfortable that they don't let the love for him burn and rage deep in their souls and hearts.

For those of you that are skeptical and saying...oh, all of her problems she has been blogging about must have been solved and that's why she is so passionate today about loving Jesus. Well your wrong, my problems haven't gone away, I’m still fearful and filled with uncertainty, but my love for God has not waned throughout the whole ordeal, nor will it! Sometimes I get sidetracked and focus too much on myself, but aren't all relationships like that? We all have our moments of selfishness but we always come back to the one we love. For some reason I just woke up this morning full of passionate, burning love for him and I just had to write about it! It's a wonderful feeling to wake up to!

I don't know maybe I'm still on my "honeymoon", but I sure hope not, I want to never, ever lose this feeling. It drives me to be better, it drives me to show God what kind of person I can be, what kind of person he destined me to be. For those of you that may have lost that loving feeling or it's waned a bit, I urge you to find it again, seek it out, it's the best feeling in the world!

Most of my friends that know me know that I have a desire to be in love and married again someday. I am forty years old and I've never known what it feels like to be truly in love with a person, to have someone to be the center of my life, to rock my world! But if earthly love is anything remotely close to the love I have for Jesus, well whom ever God has for me, better watch out!!! Until then I’m just going to focus on Jesus and falling deeper and more madly in love with him!

I'm Thankful for.........That I Have Been Upgraded.

Upgraded? What is she talking about?! Let me explain. My pastor gave this great sermon on Sunday teaching us that sometimes we have to make upgrades in our lives. The way we are in any one given moment may not be at our best and God has an idea on how to tweak us and change us into something better.

Technology is always bringing us a better model of an old product, putting it on the market and then trying to convince us to upgrade, promising it will change our lives (Tim used TIVO as an example). Do you ever realize God also does this to us in our spiritual lives? He is constantly upgrading us, making us newer, making us better, tweaking us, and adjusting us to upgraded models. He doesn't ever let us grow stagnant or too comfortable. Sometimes the upgrades seem to be at too high of a cost and we think we are okay just the way we are. We don't want to buy the upgrade he's selling, we can do just find with the one we have! He sometimes has to try really hard to convince us that the change is for our better, but sometimes we are too shortsighted to see the finished product. Right now I am going through some major changes, changes that I don't see the need for, changes that bring me fear and uncertainly. Someone told me the other day while talking about all these changes that, God was trying to grow (upgrade) me and I told them I felt like I was tall enough, I didn't really need to grow. To me the cost was too great, the changes too much of a challenge. But God always knows what is best and I have to hope the upgrades make me a better model of him.

I'm thankful for all the many upgrades that have already been made to my life. I've been upgraded from hell bound to heaven being my destination. My condition has been upgraded from broken to whole. I've been upgraded from being unyielding to totally moldable. I've gone from being lost to being found. I've been upgraded from damnation to salvation. My sorrow has been upgraded to joy. And the most important of all, I have been upgraded from an orphan to a child of the most high God! These were all the easy upgrades, the ones that didn't hurt too much, ones that I realized were for the better. The other ones, well, they hurt and they challenge us to grow stronger and more into our Saviors image. They are not always welcome but never the less they are needed.

Sometimes when I am being challenged to change, being asked to upgrade I throw my hands up in the air and say never mind it's not worth it, I'm going back to the way it used to be. But always sanity breaks through and reminds me that the old way was not better and you know if you just sit tight and let God handle the upgrade we will be all the more stronger and better for it. I know he knows what he is doing, because I am so much better than I was before and I like my new upgraded self!

Look at it this way; we are the same original model only better.

I'm Thankful for...........That I don't have to be perfect.

Over the last few days if you have been reading my blog, I have been showing the real me. The real me that struggles with fear, hates change and sometimes literally hides in the closet. My friend Amanda keeps commenting to my blogs that she appreciates me being honest, being real. I'm glad you approve Amanda, because if I am nothing else, I am honest and real.

This has not always been the case. I use to hide the real me from others, never let them see your fear, never show them how you feel, and never ever let them see you cry. I have been through a bout of major depression and after it was over telling someone about it and they said they would never had known it, you always smiled, you always had a laugh to share, is what they told me. I got good at hiding the real me. I couldn't show I was weak and scared, there were too many people depending on me to be strong. I lived in constant guilt that someone would find out that I wasn't the person I pretended to be. I worked hard at hiding because I thought no one would like the real me.

All of this need for perfection started to change when I started hanging with a group of people that lived life the real way. No pretense, just real people living real lives. I wish I could say I took to this new way of living right away, but I didn't. It took me awhile to give into the fact that I could not be perfect and that the Godly people in my life would not allow me to pretend that I was. One of the most profound things that Tim my pastor told me in the very beginning of my christian walk was to"be aware that we are not perfect, people would disappoint me, and he may even disappoint me at some time". I didn't believe it at first, after all these people are christians, they live Godly lives and there was no way they could screw-up. Come to find out the only thing screwed up was my way of thinking! I even led myself to believe I had to be the perfect christian. I used to write scriptures on note cards and take them running with me so I could memorize them. I felt like I MUST be in church every Sunday and I MUST attend every bible study. I set myself up for failure. Now, I'm not saying that trying to be your very best at seeking out God and doing Godly things is wrong, but when you place yourself at such a level of perfection there is bound to be trouble. Oh....the guilt that comes when you are not perfect, when you say a dirty word, when you think an evil thought, when you don't feel well enough to go to church or Bible study, or you forget the scripture you tried so hard to memorize the day before. I really don't remember when my perfection seeking ways started to turn around, I think it was a gradual change that I didn't even notice,

I don't have to be perfect. I can let people see me cry, I can let them see me hurt. I can show emotions. Most importantly I can screw-up, make a mistake, and yes...even sin and everyone will still love me and be there to help me fix it and then clean up the mess. It has gotten to the point that some of my friends just have to look at my face and know something is wrong. My friend Michelle says she always knows that I'm hiding something because I won't look her in the eyes. Carrie tells me she can just tell by my tone of voice over the phone. I think Kelly has some weird sixth sense because she always sends a email telling me she loves me when I am feeling less than perfect. I can't hide it anymore, so why try! Ahhhh......the relief of accepting imperfection!

The only person that sees me as perfect is my heavenly father. I know he still has some tweaking he's doing, but I guarantee you if I died today, my father would be standing at heaven's gate with his arms open wide, saying "Welcome home, my PERFECT child".


note: I cried like a baby when I read over this blog. There I go being emotional and real!

I'm Thankful for...............Prayer

I was inspired to write on prayer today after reading a blog written by someone I don't even know. I truly believe prayer is essential to our spiritual life and to our spiritual maturity. Without it our spiritual self/body would just die.

I have been told by many people that they view me as a prayer warrior. If that title is based on how much I pray, then I would have to agree! I pray all the time. Every morning -except Sundays- I sit down and have quiet time with God. I usually read my Bible, a couple chapters in a Christian based book and then of course I pray. Sometimes I pray for 5 minutes, sometimes I pray for longer. I just pray until I have said what my heart needs to say.

But my praying doesn't just end when my quiet time ends, I pray all throughout the day. That's my favorite part of prayer, I can do it anywhere at anytime. Just this morning while doing my quiet time my phone rang and I felt like I needed to answer it. Good thing I did, I found out I needed to be somewhere in an hour! I still needed to get dressed, so my quiet time was cut short. I had already read my bible and chapters in my book and the only thing left was for me to pray. No problem, I just prayed in the shower, I prayed while getting dress and then I prayed in the car. It doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing you can always pray. I mean think about it, I can't read my bible in the shower or I would have to go out and buy a new one! I can't read my bible while driving in my car, because I probably would have to buy someone a new car after crashing into them! Praying does not have to be in any set place or at any set time. That’s the magic of it!

My other favorite part of prayer is that it's only between God and me. I can pour my heart out to him without any kind of worry that he isn't really listening or that he is rolling his eyes at me. I don't have to use eloquent words, just what's on my mind and my heart. Sometimes I pray quietly, sometimes I pray very loudly. Sometimes I beg, scream, fall to my knees. Sometimes I even hide in the closet and just cry out to God. The best is God listens to all of it, he understands that sometimes I am so troubled that I need to hide away in the closet and just talk to him. He doesn't care that I'm in the closet, he just cares that I'm reaching out to him, talking to him. Really now, he is the only one I know that will follow me into the closet and listen to me! My friends would think I was crazy if the only way I could talk to them is if I was hiding in the closet!

I can talk to God about anything and everything and all that is between. He cares, he listens and if I'm quiet enough he talks back. This is what I'm working on, being still and quiet so that I can hear what he has to say. Sometime I get caught up in my needs and prayers that I don't stop and listen for his answer. I want to hear God speak back to me. He won't try and speak over me, he only speaks in a whisper and I have to learn to be still and listen for him. The bible says: "Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know". (Jeremiah 33:3) I'm learning more everyday on how to listen for him and all the great and mighty things he has to say.

My prayers may be a few simple lines of worship or an hour long list of my needs. But the power of prayer is in who hears it, not in who says it and that makes all the difference. And my prayers do make a difference.

"The Lord has heard my supplication, The Lord receives my prayer". Psalm 6:9

I'm Thankful for.............Hope.

Once again I didn't wake up with an Attitude of Gratitude, actually I woke up crying. I didn't want to get out of bed, I wanted to pull the covers over my head and wish the daylight away. Darkness brings night, blissful sleep and an empty mind. Daylight brings day, things to do and thoughts of fear. But I got up anyway, I knew my problems were not going to go away if I stayed in bed, plus they are building a house behind me and the noise was driving me crazy!

I made the coffee and sat down to do my quiet time just as I do everyday. Let me tell you I didn't start with a pure heart, I was doing it more out of habit than because I wanted too. I have a book that sits on my end table, Grace For the Moment - Inspirational Thoughts for Each Day of the Year, by Max Lucado. It is just a quick couple of paragraphs of inspiration for each day. This is what today’s said:

January 5

Don't Miss God's Answer
Is anything too hard for the Lord? ..... (Genesis 18:14)

The God of surprises strikes again...God does that for the faithful. Just when the womb gets too old for babies, Sarai gets pregnant. Just when the failure is too great for grace, David is pardoned.....
The lesson? Three words. Don't give up...
Is the road long? Don't stop.
Is the night black? Don't quit.
God is watching. For all you know right at this moment....the check may be in the mail.
The apology may be in the making.
The job contract may be on the desk.
Don't quit. For if you do, you may miss the answer to your prayers.

Okay, I started crying when I read this, gave into it for a couple of minutes and then picked up my Bible. I sat it in my lap and it opened on it's own to Psalms. I had quite a few scriptures underlined where it opened, and this is what I read:

Psalm 66:8-12
(8) - Bless our God, O peoples, and sound his praise abroad,
(9 ) Who keeps us in life and does not allow our feet to slip.
(10 ) For you have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined.
(11) You brought us into the net; You laid an oppressive burden upon our loins.
(12 ) You made men ride over our heads; We went through fire and through water, yet you brought us out into a place of abundance.

Psalm 66:19-20
(19) But certainly God has heard: He has given heed to the voice of my prayer.
(20) Blessed be God, who has not turned away my prayer, Nor his lovingkindness from me.


Okay, something was starting to stir inside me, dawning was happening. I then picked up a book I am reading titled: It's Not About Me, by Max Lucado. I am on page 35 but when I picked it up it opened to a page I have already read and this is what I had underlined:

I could look around and find fear, or look at my father and find faith.
I choose my father's face.

Okay, I think this is what my wonderful friend Amanda calls a "God Stop" moment. A little ray of hope started to shine through my spirit, my heart, my thoughts. What is hope? Hope is expectation, hope brings faith and faith turns around and brings hope. Hope is my only hope of finding the answer, of finding understanding. I hope everything I am feeling makes me stronger. I hope the changes I am experiencing are for the better. I sure hope God knows what he is doing!

Hope is all I have. I'm not saying the fear is not still there, believe me it is. But my hope in God is replacing some of that fear and I hope before long it replaces it completely.

And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.
Psalm 39:7

Note: Read on to find another thankful post, I wrote two today to make up for the depressing one from yesterday.

I'm thankful for......It's okay to ask, Why?

I have always had this idea that we are not supposed to ask God the question, why? We are supposed to just deal with whatever is happening to us, whatever trial or problem we are going through. There is a reason you are going through what you are going through, God is refining you, he is working all things to your good.....so how dare I ask why?

Do you ever think about the word why and how many times a day it's asked? We ask our children, why did you do that! Our children then ask us why they are sent to their rooms for doing that! We ask the question of why to our spouse, why didn't you get the milk that was on the list? Why are we ordering pizza for dinner, I thought you were going to cook tonight? (I bet you stay-at-home moms love that one!) Why? Why? Why? I challenge you to try and count how many times that word is said in your home for one day, I bet you lose count!

Why do we ask the question, why? Because we want an answer, we are looking for a reason behind the situation. We are trying to understand. It's the same when we ask God, why? We just want an answer as to the reason we are in the situation we are in. We are not saying that God is wrong; we are just trying to understand. My friend Raquel talked to me about this the other night(thanks again Raquel, you are so wise) and pointed out to me that even Jesus asked the question of why when he was hanging on the cross, My God, My God. Why have you forsaken me? Matthew 27:46

So, I have come to the realization that it's okay to ask God why. It's not that I am questioning his authority; I'm just trying to find an answer, a reason. To gain an understanding. If I understand the reason, I am better equipped to handle it.

I'm Thankful for.......that I wrote something.

I didn't get up with an attitude of gratitude today. I didn't want to write about something I'm thankful for. Last night I had decided I wouldn't write. I went back and re-read my last few posts looking for inspiration, but I couldn't find any. What I really want to do is to look in the rearview mirror, I don't want to be thankful for the New Year because the way this New Year is starting isn't at all what I expected and well, grace seems like a foreign word to me right now. And most importantly, looking forward is extremely scary.

Last night I got some news that I didn't expect and news I don't want to deal with. Everything I have come to know in the last year and a half is about to change. Everything I have come to depend on and trust in is being shaken up and moved into a different direction and the future is uncertain. As many of you very well know, I DON'T LIKE CHANGE!!! Actually let me just put it out there...CHANGE SUCKS!!!! CHANGE SUCKS!!!!! I don't deal well with change and when it affects me in the one area of my life that brings me the most fear, I want to run and hide in the closet and wait till everything is back to the way it was.

I'm scared. I am very crippled by the fear right now. I can't eat and I slept about two hours last night. I can’t pray except to say, God I don’t want things to change and I don’t know if I can do it. I know the fear is from satan and I really want to TAKE HIM DOWN! But I can't right now because I want to give into the fear even more, oddly, it's comforting. Thank you Raquel for telling me it's okay to feel this way for a little while, as long as it doesn't change who I am. I needed that permission. Right now I don't want to be told to buck-up and let it go. I want to feel!!

I made a commitment to write about something everyday for the month of January that I am thankul for, So today I am just thankful that I put my fingers to the keyboard and wrote something, however depressing it may be and however full of self pity it is. That's all I have today, folks. I'm trying to be transparent. I'm allowing my friends to know that I hurt and hope that prayers are prayed for me today. I need them.

I'm Thankful for..............Music

Music moves me! It is something that can make me cry or make me laugh. It can change my mood or it can put me in a mood. It can bring me to a place of worship that everything else around me disappears. It can clear my mind and bring me peace. It can make me want to get up and dance! I listen to it all the time, while cleaning house, while getting dressed and of course while driving in the car.

Yesterday in my blog I had the lyrics to one of my favorite christian songs. I love worship music! It truly speaks to me. I got my first christian cd from my friend Lydia over a year ago and it has been in my car ever since. It is a cd of Third Day and I now know all the words to all the songs. Once a couple of months ago I was listening to it while driving back from Ft. Worth and I was so into singing and feeling the Holy Spirit that I missed my turn! I didn't realize it for a couple of miles! My only other christian cd is Mercy Me and I am looking to add a few more to my collection but I need some suggestions from my friends. But my favorite christian group is the rocking band that plays at our church every Sunday! They truly bring me to a place of worship like no cd can! You can always plan on the Holy Spirit moving among us when they are playing.

On the non-christian music front my favorite is country music (this drives my friend Patrick crazy!). I LOVE country music! That love started while I was living in Chicago and my friend Deanne gave me a John Michael Montgomery cd and I have been hooked ever since. Just a few months later I moved to the great state of Texas which of course is where country music is king! I love many different artists, but my favorite is Chris Caigle. I have had his cd in the number one spot in my car for over two years and it won't be coming out anytime soon! I still love the old time rock and roll that I grew up on and I am always open too trying new things.

I know that a lot of my friends also share my passion of music. My friend Patrick just posted on his website his pick for the top ten albums of the year, if you want to check it out go to www.wannaberockstar.net. My friend Amanda not only loves it, she sings it too. She has the most beautiful and amazing voice and she loves to use it to glorify God. My friends Kelly and Ty are always adding and deleting songs on their mp3 players. I really want one of those!!!!

It may seem silly to some that I am thankful for music, but I say that anything that brings me joy is something to be thankful for.


What I have in my car cd player:

Chris Caigle - Chris Caigle
Tim McGraw and the dance hall doctors
Third Day - Offerings
Mercy Me - Almost There
Trace Adkins - Coming on Strong
Keith Anderson - Three Cord Country and American Rock & Roll

I'm Thankful for..............Grace

There's a place that I love to run and play
There's a place that I sing new songs of praise

Dancin' with my Father God in fields of grace

There's a place that I lose myself within
There's a place that I find myself again

Dancin' with my Father God in fields of grace

There's a place where religion finally dies
There's a place that I lose my selfish pride

Dancin’ with my Father God in fields of grace

I love my Father, my Father loves me
I dance for my Father, my Father sings over me

And nothing can take that away from me


These are the lyrics of one of my favorite christian songs. We sang it in church yesterday and I couldn't help but sing along with full voice (good thing nobody was sitting beside me!) and joy. Dancin’ with my father God in fields of grace. Grace what a beautiful word and full of so much meaning. I didn't plan on writing about grace; it wasn't even on my list of things I had been jotting down. But, the Holy Spirit spoke to me very clearly in the middle of singing that song... I want you to write about grace, write about grace and how much it has changed your life and how much meaning it has brought to you.

Grace is something I struggled with when first accepting Jesus into my heart in 2004. I grew up in a very legalistic religion and I don't ever remember hearing any teaching on grace. We were only told what we must do and what we must not do to get to heaven. So many rules, so many restrictions that I constantly lived in a state of fear that I would screw-up and go straight to hell. I quit attending when I turned eighteen and moved out on my own and for the next twenty years I lived everyday in fear of dying and going to hell because I was breaking the rules by putting on a pair of jeans or going to a movie.

After accepting Christ, I talked many times with Tim my pastor on this phenomenon called grace. There was a time that he spent an hour on the phone with me crying and telling him I just didn't know if it was something I could grasp. Another time I remember some of us going to his house after our regular bible study, him pulling out a write on/wipe off board and teaching us on grace till 2am in the morning! But the one thing that started to solidify it in my heart was a statement he made: If we are saved by works, then Christ died needlessly. But don't take my word for it he told me, go read the book of Galatians and it will confirm everything I have been telling you. So I read Galatians over and over again till the spirit of grace became part of my heart.

Grace is not about works, you don't have to follow some strict set of rules or restrictions for it to be extended to you. It's a place where religion finally dies. It's about a having a relationship with our God not based on fear, but on love and joy. It's a place where when a simple heartfelt prayer is prayed, the fear of hell is gone and the promise of eternal life is given.

I am humbled by his grace everyday. If saving me from hell wasn't enough, he extends grace to me over and over again everyday of my life. I am so glad I listened to the Holy Spirit when it told me to write about grace. It has made me remember where I came from and through a whole lot of grace, to where I am today. And nothing can take that away from me.

I'm Thankful for..............A New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

The first day of 2006 is here and with it a whole new year of possibilities and blessings!. What an appropriate day to start on my journey of developing an Attitude of gratitude. I know we are supposed to look at each day full of hope and possibilities, but this just seems to be a time when we really reach out to that hope and look forward to new and wonderful things happening to us. My friend Ty said to me a couple nights ago that he believes that 2006 will be the best year of his life. Wow! That's hope, that's believing in himself, and believing in a God that longs to give him that best year of his life! You go, Ty! I believe you and know it will be true, because YOU believe you!

As we are ushering in a new year an old one has come and gone. I can't help but reflect on 2005 and see all the blessings I have received and all the trials I have endured. All in all, it was a great year! I can look back at it without too much pain and regret.

I have matured spiritually more than I can ever have hoped for! A friend wrote to me the other day that she has watched me transform from this crying balled up mess on the sofa, to this brave woman who relies on her faith and her God. Thanks Kelly, I sometimes don't see this growth myself, so it's nice when others see it and remind me of it. I may not be in the place I want to be spiritually (yet), but I have come a long way! I have even led a women's bible study!

My business has been great and I have earned more than I ever thought I would! Twenty-seven homes sold this year! God has been so good to me in this area and I am so blessed to be with a great team (more on them later..) that helps make it all possible.

My friendships that are SO important to my survival in this crazy life have become deeper and more loving. I have met and added some great new friends- Raquel, Patrick & Erin (more on them later too...) that are a part of my daily life and they bring me blessings in so many ways. "Friday night date night" was developed and has become one of the highlights of my week! Ty and Kelly, you are going to soooooooooooo......miss them!

So, as a new year is done and gone, I find myself thankful for a new year. A new year to grow even more spiritually, to love God more deeply, to allow him to love ME more deeply and to allow my life to be more transformed into his image. A new year to allow trust to be a natural part of my thinking process and to NOT allow fear to be a part of it at all (I'll need everyone’s prayers on this one!). To grow old friendships into deeper levels of love and commitment and to develop new and lasting ones. To serve my church with even more time, energy and money. To watch my business grow more, so it will allow me the freedom from a debt owed to a family member. To love my children and watch them learn more about Christ through watching their mother and bringing them to church.

I have so many things to look forward too! So many blessings just around the corner! I agree with Ty, this is going to be the best year of MY life!

Thank you, Lord Jesus for allowing me another year to serve you. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to watch and wait for your blessings to be poured upon my life and the lives of those close to me. Help me, Jesus to always remember to put you first everyday. Thank you for giving me the spirit of thankfulness and the spirit of wanting to grow it deeper. I love you, Jesus and I look forward to spending another year with you beside me.